Motherhood for many women is a time in their lives when they have so many emotions. It’s the beginning of a new phase and is often one filled with curiosity, extreme happiness, contemplation, revelations, etc. The journey of Real Mom Bhumika Nasta into motherhood was pretty much the same but with a twist!
The entry of a diva in my life:
I became pregnant in January 2018. Right away I knew it was going to be a rollercoaster 9 months,” and it sure was. My husband and I were in the USA only for two years and we did not have family around. Added to that, nausea hit me right from the beginning and stayed throughout. Weight loss, crazy food aversions, and a baby active at 2:00 AM – I was guaranteed a bucket load of crazy days!
I gave birth to a total diva of a girl in September 2018, and she arrived with much fanfare and even an emergency C-section! Right then I could tell that she was a total diva – No one could tell my daughter to sleep on her back or to hush up. She was strong-willed and little did I know then – she was my biggest strength and cheerleader.
Read more: Things about an induced C-Section you only find out when you go through one!
What if I won’t be there?
Around December 2018, after spending a month obsessing over a strange lump, and going through tests I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The entire mommy world that I had dreamed of as a new mom came crashing down. She was my pride and joy, but here was that very scary question in front of me “What if I won’t be there?”
As a mother, one of the first few things you learn is the art of patience and perseverance. And ironically enough it is breastfeeding that teaches you these lessons. Being a mother with breast cancer showed me how important these lessons were. I went through a journey of chemotherapy, radiation, lumpectomy, post-treatment all within the first one a half years of her life.
Jiyanas first year of her life was not only a series of firsts for her, but also for me. As she learned to turn around, I learned to manage the side-effects of chemotherapy that I never thought would happen. Her first steps coincided with my surgery. As she discovered her love for food, I discovered how to overcome regret and grief.
As a mother I grew with her, alongside her and for her.
Follow your instincts and your child’s instincts:
My mother always would say that your children will tell you and find ways to communicate with you, give them time, and pay attention.
As my journey with cancer treatment progressed, I had a total lack of energy some days to do even the most basics of tasks. And Jiyana always could tell. It was like she could read me- and why not- after all, she was following her instincts. Surely and steadily I learned how to listen to her and work with her.
I am not a text book parent:
There is a famous saying- all children are different. This saying then goes on to mention how not to treat them in the same way, how they have different times of development etc.
When children are different, then how can we as parents be a textbook image, and follow the same rules? If something works for one mother it’s not necessarily going to work for 10 other moms right?
As mothers and fathers, we need to learn to be different and adapt to the needs of our children and stop being cookie-cutter images. There are so many wonderful things our parents teach us and pass down to is, but it’s not necessary that your child will adapt to it or work with it.
Also as a society in general we tend to hide away the ugly, sad, wrong part of our lives as they are perceived as shameful. When people found out about me, there were so many who would ask- what went wrong or refuse to even have a conversation. This is the mindset that needs to change.
My tribe is my pillar of steel:
My village consists firstly of my husband, my parents, and my siblings. I am truly blessed to have them in my life as they are pillars of steel. Not once did they question or hesitate when they had to give away so much of their regular lives and commit to caring for us. It made the whole ride a tiny bit easier to bear.
Then I have my girl group. I’ve grown up with them, some of us became moms one after another. All of us are aunts to our crop of babies. They are the best friends one can ask for! They were there with me from the beginning of my journey, and all of us are in different countries but from the word go they were cheerleading, sharing baby-related information, even video calling to have a laugh or two! Life with them has always been good!
I live in the moment:
There were so many things in Jiyanas first year I couldn’t do due to the lack of physical well being. I always dreamed of babywearing and breastfeeding to a decent age, but it wasn’t possible after my diagnosis.
However, I did start living in the moment and did other things that I totally enjoyed. Did I miss some moments? Yes – and I did regret them. I made peace with the fact that there are so many other memories I had with the girl that was unique to me!
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