by March 13, 2015 updated on
“I am a mother and that means a hell lot of responsibilities. But, motherhood also means that you got to be damn right honest.” TCT brings to you an honest writing straight from a mother’s heart, through this post she wants her son to know that his mother has been truly genuine.
I am a mother and that means a hell lot of responsibilities. It means having to go through sleepless nights, changing dirty diapers, trying out new baby recipes, not getting time to have your hot cup of tea or being able to take much-required pee breaks. It also means, having to forget all the self-infested misery that you have been drowning in, the minute your baby smiles at you and opens his arms to reach out to you.
But, motherhood also means that you got to be damn right honest. You can’t fake things up and you just can’t afford to live in insincerity.
Well! I have always been an outspoken person. All through my school, college and university days. I have spoken my mind out and yes, that has often landed me in trouble. Those were the beautiful days when we would soak ourselves in the glory of youth. Our minds and souls were mystical and we were brutally honest. Our friendships, our personalities, our wit, our courage, the parties we would throw and attend, there was something strangely candid about it all.
I continued to be just the same way and that wasn’t quite appreciated. So, I decided to fake things up. My wit and all that humor wore a mask of fatigue and confusion. The way I knew myself, the laughter, that cheer and excitement of the certain intellect that ever had me was all swallowed by marriage. This included a bit (actually a LOT) of counterfeits. I had to fake it up to deal with all the hullabaloos of a married life. Suddenly, someone like me, who was known to be the winner of countless extempores had to pretend that she was incapable of holding down the most simple, adult conversation. Well, dear readers, I don’t know if you know this already, but it happens to a lot of us and this phenomenon is called ‘life after marriage’ or better still, let’s call it ‘adjustment’.
And in the midst of all the chaos, something truly magnificent occurred. A baby!
We were damn too ready for this. But, the consequences of childbearing and rearing could be as dangerous as the drug-withdrawal symptoms. Funny?! Indeed, my current life is pretty much like that of Barbara from the French Movie- A Happy Event (Un heureux événement). I do feel like I have been possessed ;)..I mean, afterall, those super-tiring months of pregnancy full of pukes and all, the ride has been bumpy. There are days when I long for ‘just a few minutes’ off. I particularly miss my pre-baby days. The night outs, quite dinners, fun booze parties and all the corporate drama. The intoxication of working in an awesome work environment and the pride I carried along. But, as on today, I have been 20 months sober. Sobriety of its kind!
I am a mother now and I must throw away the mask of ingenuity. I have enjoyed the wilder side of life for a long time. Now, I must relish my motherhood days. I am not out here to show the world, the latest cuts of my branded dress or how gorgeous I look or for that matter where did I dine last night! But, yes, if you are interested then I can fill you in on how it feels to be hugged or the sweet fragrance of those wet kisses. I can share those heartfelt motherly emotions that are oozing out from every inch of my skin. I might not be stepping out of home for now, catching up with friends or going for movies, and perhaps the fanciest meal I have had so far is the leftovers from my baby’s plate but all that tastes heavenly too.
My fatigue and confusion have now been adjusted against the wit and humor of motherhood! I am back to being outspoken and that’s how I like it. Atleast, for the sake of my sanity and my baby’s wellbeing, I got to be who I am. I will continue to stay friends with those I partied with back then, only this time, we will not be cracking crazy, silly jokes or playing pranks on each other. Rather, we will be sharing our baby pictures and parenthood experiences. I will sooner or later, get lost in the glory of the idiosyncratic intellect, perhaps read out a couple of lines from the favorite book to my baby. I might have a glass of rum and cola in my hands, but I know he won’t judge me.
He won’t judge me if I am in my pyjamas all day long or am literally smelling of his puke, pee and poop. He won’t judge me if I tell him that I laugh out loud and scream out louder. He won’t judge me if I tell him that there are days when I feel like a pebble. He won’t judge me if he looks at the messy reality of my life. I want him to see it anyway so that one day he doesn’t question my authenticity. Those days when he has set the house on fire and his cries are loud and my day starts with a soggy, dirty newspaper fetched from under the bin, spilled milk and over-boiled eggs and burnt toasts and daddy’s yelling cause he is late for work.. I want him to see it all, so he knows that his mother has been truly genuine. She isn’t faking it up for the world to see how efficient (or inefficient) she is. He will see the same genuine heart that exists in his mum’s real life as you do in my writing.
I am a mother and that means a hell lot of responsibilities. It means having to go through sleepless nights, changing dirty diapers and all. But, motherhood also means that you got to be damn right honest. You can’t fake things up and you just can’t afford to live in insincerity. Well! I have always been an outspoken person and I am glad to have stayed away from the typical herd mentality.
I am doing alright! I know my baby isn’t judging me.
This post was originally published on World of Moms