Today, The Champa Tree would like to share a guest post by a writer who would like to go anonymous for certain reasons. She is a single mom, raising her daughter single-handedly. With her head high, she spends each and every day in the loving company of her confident young girl. Sadly, from the start, their journey wasn’t as fulfilling. The mother-daughter duo faced a lot of challenges. The mother grew strong. During the worst rainy days, she prayed hard and kept her patience. And one fine day, the sun began to shine above their roof.
Today, she would like to share 3 important things that she wishes her mother had taught her. Some of the statements are truly controversial, but perhaps, if we are broad-minded enough to let some of her remarks soak in and touch our deeper level of thinking, then I am sure we all would agree with her!
3 Lessons of life a mother will teach her daughter:
Here is a list of 3 (Controversial) lessons of life that a mother would like to teach her daughter! Give this post a gentle read!
1. Get your act together; Understand the importance of education
Educate yourself, get a couple of degrees and step out for WORK. Get independent and don’t ever look back. You must know how to perform a few household tasks, but I swear I wouldn’t be the happiest to see you restricting yourself to your kitchen cleaning checklist and related chores, kneading the dough and making chapatis! Besides, being the last one to put a morsel of food in your mouth. In today’s day and age, a kitchen job isn’t just the ONLY core expertise of a woman. Although, there is nothing wrong with it, doing it for life?
Well! No, I wouldn’t approve of it! That’s certainly not why I got you educated. And definitely not to see you getting lost in the endless (and often the toughest as well as the utterly thankless) business of life. Your mind is not technically trained to be an all-around house manager. So let not anyone put any sort of pressure on you.
2. Don’t spend a second in a relationship with the man who abuses you physically or mentally
You, our daughter, deserve a lot more than you actually think. You also don’t deserve to be insulted by your partner, be it in front of his parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts (the entire jingbang) or in your own eyes. I will die of shame than to see him insulting you in front of your own gentility. The thing is that you weren’t brought into this world to put up with a show like this one.
My daughter, I am sure that there will be times when you would lose your temper, control and patience. After all, you are living with a set of strangers who have NOT seen your journey! Oh yes, but they do expect you to acclimatize yourself as per their needs and fancies. At such silly times, remember God and have faith in yourself.
A healthy relationship is based on love, mutual understanding and maturity. Besides, give it back when you are being affronted. Don’t go meek. Don’t behave like the 60’s obedient daughter-in-law! I REPEAT, DO NOT BEHAVE LIKE A STEREOTYPE! Family relationships are not based on abuse, they are based on love.
3. Don’t watch your life pass by. Enjoy the freedom of life. Even after ‘MARRIAGE’ has happened to you
I don’t understand why parents in our society insist that their daughters get married at a specific age. Who decides their readiness? The bitter and saddest truth of our societal culture is that after the melodrama attached with the birth of a girl child, I mean once the birth of a baby girl happens, the world turns upside down for a majority of Indian families.
And then, some of us get on with the business of raising a child, that same girl. And within a decade or two, marry her off to a stranger (and his strange family). If I had my way around, I would have made my own decision of when and whether to marry or to live with my partner, to stay with my parents, his family or away from the rut.
However, whatever be the case, if you are in a relationship or decide to get married, don’t just let go of your past life. Continue to go to movies, theatre, rock concerts, party, have fun with your friends, step out, just the way you did while you were living with me. I know you are wise enough to handle yourself (and they would expect you to be more ‘responsible’ after ‘marriage’.
How little do they know that the former doesn’t come right after the latter). Just live life to the fullest. It’s because I am sure your partner would continue to do the same too. He would step out and I swear he wouldn’t care for a second if he had to leave you home to your tasks!!
Here is hoping that it makes some sense to you. It took my mother a long time to realize all this. I am glad that I have set it right for you my lovely daughter- Mira 🙂
Disclaimer: These are the personal thoughts of the guest writer. Through this post she has only expressed herself. The writer doesn’t mean to offend anyone’s beliefs or sentiments. She is also of the opinion that our Indian culture and it’s society does have a good reputation!
I have shared this to my wife…. and hope she take this on a positive note and re-establish her identity! lol
Thanks so much Esai. You kind words have made my day 🙂
I have a daughter and love her a lot! Even then, I find people can easily misunderstand the article and end up messing life. There has to be a balance. The three things I would teach my daughter are:
1. Both have the equal responsibility of running the family, so devide and share
2. Respect each other’s personal space and their respective family
3. Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated and never get in to an argument to win. Instead look at arriving solution to the issues.
Last but not the least, you are responsible for your life. Don’t blame others for screwing it!
You said it right in a way, Yes! People can misunderstand this. However, TCt is a platform for mothers to express themselves just as they would love to otherwise. A lot of mothers think these 3 lessons are not controversial. They think this article required no disclaimer, but because of (mis)interpretations, we had to edit a lot of things the writer wanted to say. They would have been way too controversial. I like your lessons. Do give this a gentle read too: https://thechampatree.in/2015/12/03/lessons-to-learn-in-life-mother-son/
I don’t know when parents like this writer understand that their Daughter or Son have their own character and they shouldn’t be fed with these stereotypical feministic formulations based on their own personal experiences. Instead they should be thought to be analytical and base their decisions on logic n reason. One needs to understand that people are accommodative and they compromise where there is love. Please don’t force ur opinions on everyone just becoz u have got an experience and an opportunity to air your opinion. You need to be sensitive to the cultural upbringing of a society before advocating something as drastic as separation without impressing upon them to explore all available options without handing your brains to ur ego.
Surya, I do understand the point you are trying to make here, however, I guess this is a writer’s choice and decision of how she wanted to express herself.
People do compromise when there’s love. That’s why it’s perfectly fair to expect in-laws and husbands to compromise, too. ‘Cultural upbringing of a society’ is not more important than a woman’s right to live her life as freely as a man does.
Great lessons indeed!!
Thanks Ahdad. Glad you liked these lessons 🙂
Absolutely true. and in point 2 I agree especially with not tolerating nonsense towards you from anyone : quote ”Besides, give it back when you are being affronted. Don’t go meek. Don’t behave like the 60’s obedient daughter-in-law! ” unquote. Ofcourse overreaction and rudeness is not how to react but respond definitely, calmly but firmly. `don’t ever shout- I find then it is a most effective response and you are in control.
But surely give it back as good as u get!!
Way to go.
Thanks so much for expressing your views. You are right.. respond calmly but firmly is the approach to adopt!
It very true n real …….even i think alike …….atleast u have the courage to express urself darling …..each n every women some time or other faced su h situation in life but still they cafry on
But yes its tym to stop all the nonsense teachings of obidience we use to give to our daughters ,i dont know how far i m right but its all true.
You are right! It’s high time!!
Very true, I wish my mom would have taught me the same, rather than saying Girls are meant to sacrifice. Glad that I learnt and would teach my daughter these ones … apart from this these lines have motivated me that others too think like me …… Thanks mate again.
Thanks Sapana for your kind words. The writer will be extremely happy to hear your views!
Absurd!!!
I have to say I don’t agree with point number one. There are things beyond a structures education that every child (be a boy or girl) should be aware of. Our education system fails them in basic skills of living. Every child must be fostered to be independent in managing their homes, their personal space and not the least able to manage to make healthy meals for themselves. I also think that they need to know that education and career are not the be all and end of life. They need to know that having a sport or art or any hobby that they love and are good at are important to their mental health and perhaps can also be something they can make a living of when the 9-5 grind become too much. There is too much emphasis on fitting all the pegs into the round holes that society has decided should be uniform. But we are not uniform and our children should be taught to celebrate their differences, their strengths and not get too bogged down by what they should do or cannot do.
Totally agree with 2 and 3 and wouldn’t restrict to just the girls as other readers have said.
Hi, I do agree with you on how you have put your perspective across. Education is not be all and end of life, but it is as important. Infact, a woman can also make a career in the hospitality industry but the bitter truth is that in today’s day and age, talents doesn’t count as much, so yes, degrees are important. Cooking for yourself and your family is something one must know and that’s what the writer highlighted too, however, doing this job forever isn’t as fulfilling and that’s the author’s opinion. She has shared her opinion and I have only published it keeping the sensitivity of the issue in mind. Thanks for giving it a read. Besides, I do want to make sure, my own son get these 3 things right too 🙂
Hi Annamkitchen,
I completely agree to your thoughts..however 90℅ of the females who are married are judged on their cooking skills, often compared to their mother in laws for their cooking..the girls at times forget that they are married and not appointed on a cooks job.
Thus being independent and and earning makes a very vital role in uplifting d girls confidence and her position in d eyes of her husband and in-laws.
Thanks
I agree with you Pooja!
Surya, I do understand the point you are trying to make here, however, I guess this is a writer’s choice and decision of how she wanted to express herself.
Beautiful paintings
Thanks Neha 🙂 It’s from Etsy.
I completely agree wid all d 3 points that the writer has mentioned.Actually we girls since childhood have been taught to care and think about everyone rather than us.May we learn dis bcoz we see our mothers do d same thing.So somewhere i strongly believe that inorder to teach our daughters to do dis we ourselves have to follow the principles first.I strongly support d point of girls being independent physically,financially and mentally.
You are so right Smita! I am glad you think like the writer. Shall pass on your thoughts to her. She would be very happy to hear them 🙂 Have a good day!
All the three are very true to heart. These 3 things should also be taught to every boy with the same sense as to a girl. Very good read. I am having a baby boy and I will try to teach all these lessons to him as well.
Thanks Divya for letting us know that you agree to the post. Our guest writer will be very happy to know that you too think alike. I have a baby boy and I also feel the need to teach him a few lessons that shall make sure that as he grows up, he understands a woman even better than he should 🙂
Great read! I absolutely love #3 😉
Thanks Stacy!
Vaishali, can you convey my word to the author of this post that I loved this post and I did not feel for once that any of the 3 points were controversial in any sense. For me they are true to the core. I have a son and I am determined to nurture the compassionate qualities in him and that the world is not different for a man and a woman, the rules have to be same. And if I would have had a girl child I would have taught her the same lessons as this mother. Tell her she is doing it alright. I stand by her ♡
Thanks Anamika. I shall pass this on to her. She will be happy to know that you think alike!
The 3 lessons taught are just fair and reasonable. No need to be apologetic about it.
The only cause for concerns is the primitive male mindset.
So happy to get so much of positivity this morning!