Parenthood is a blessing. After all, the urge to become a parent, to cuddle and love your little one is only natural! A couple feels blessed the moment they discover that they have entered the beautiful and the most sanctified phase of their life – parenthood.
On the other hand, it can be quite traumatic and painful for those childless couples who are trying to become parents. Conceiving a baby can be complicated and tricky and hence it is absolutely necessary to counsel them correctly. Sometimes, we do tend to get overboard with emotions, words, and advice while conversing with a friend or family member facing this issue.
Since some wise man once said, “think before you speak.”
5 Things you should never tell a woman who is trying for pregnancy:
1. Never tell a woman, “When are you getting pregnant?”
As a well-wisher, it may appear quite normal for you to ask your friend or family member this question, but remember that although it may seem like a harmless question to you, it can often prove to be otherwise. You never know what the couple in question is going through or what plans they have on the road to parenthood; hence it may be quite awkward or uncomfortable.
More so, it is indeed very insensitive and rude to ask a couple who you know have been trying hard to become parents. It is like intruding into their personal lives. Therefore refrain from asking such things.
2. Never tell a woman, “You are getting old, try soon.”
Guys! What on earth makes people say this, I often wonder. Come on, do you think that they are not aware that their biological clock has already started ticking. Perhaps they are more concerned and worried about that than you are. Saying something like this is like adding fuel to fire. So stop, sounding so harsh and immature.
3. Never tell a woman, “Have you thought about adoption/IVF?”
You may think that you are being cared for and considerate of your close one’s current emotional distress, but I do hope you even realize how heartless your sound. Saying this is indirectly telling them that “enough of trying guys, you cannot become a parent through a natural process, hence start looking for other options.’’ Presumptuous and callous statements like this can only add agony to their pain rather than providing them a healing touch. Let the couple be – they are old enough and wise enough to decide on the next course by themselves.
4. Never tell a woman, “Superstitious thoughts and beliefs.”
This one gets my goat every single time and is especially true in the Indian context. Withhold yourself from sharing and preaching unfounded beliefs and old wives’ tales. There is nothing worse than wrong advice and these ridiculous superstitions can be downright infuriating. How on earth do they help someone in getting pregnant is beyond me and beyond science as well? In fact, if you genuinely want to be a Good Samaritan and want to help your friend then try to discuss the root cause of the problem, try to recommend a doctor who has relevant expertise on this and can help them find a solution. Try to make them meet people who had or are facing similar issues.
5. Never tell a woman, “Just relax, don’t worry. It will happen when it has to.”
Maybe your intentions are absolutely genuine and all you want to do is just comfort your friend by saying this. But, this may not be the best advice for a woman who is trying hard to conceive. There might be certain issues for which the couple may need to consult a doctor and proceed according to the doctor’s recommendations. Hence, ask them if they have consulted a specialist, and if not, then ask them to do so right away.
Remember that we are here to encourage couples around us who are trying hard to be parents. We need to comfort them and to stand by them through thick and thin and not to hurt them with our callous and heartless remarks. Play safe by giving a hug rather than ill-timed and misinformed advice.