Mother and Son Toxic Relationship – Ways In Which It Can Cause Lifelong Damage

The mother is the first person and the first environment for a child starting from the womb. And what if this very first person that the child comes in contact with is unwelcoming, unloving and cold? Much has been written and discussed daughters, but when it comes to sons, it is usually the father-son angle that is explored. Sons are always considered mama’s boys and the bond between the two is always supposed to be strong and full of love. But this isn’t the case always. But, some relationships aren’t as great and divine as they are meant to be. A mother and son toxic relationship can have lifelong damage.

Mother and Son Toxic Relationship 01

If the relationship between the mother and son is toxic, it leads to lifelong psychological and emotional damage. It is not necessary that a mother’s love is always unconditional. And as men are supposed to be strong, their ‘supposed masculinity’ serves as a block for them to evidently show any emotions. Most of the time men never discuss relationship problems openly and if it is about their mothers they usually refrain from talking about it.

The negative and toxic relationship and the absence of any vent for it can cause lifelong damage.

Here are some effects we observed after witnessing one such mother and son toxic relationship:

1. Strong emotional restraint

Socially and culturally boys are supposed to control their emotions. This curbing of emotions such as grief, pain, and failure is taught to them early on in life by their moms. They are not allowed expression of such feelings and they grow up with the thought, this isn’t manly. On the other hand, they are allowed to express emotions of anger as it is associated with the supposed masculinity. So boys grow up with strong emotional restraint that at times leads to psychological disorders. Though times have changed and one does come across male characters in movies expressing such emotions openly, yet it is a long way home.

2. Failure in relationships

A mother is the first woman in a man’s life. He grows up observing her, imbibing from her and learning from her. If he has grown up under a controlling mother where his emotional needs have always been suppressed. In this process, he might be wary of the same in his relationship with other women later in life. If the mother has been an authoritative one, he might end up dominating and seeking authority over the woman in his life.

Mother and Son Toxic Relationship 02

3. Hostility

When a male child doesn’t get enough validation of his emotions in his growing up years, he can turn aggressive and show hostile behavior quite often. This becomes the only outlet for him to vent his emotions. He might over-exaggerate to situations. Losing control and showing anger is a common trait amongst such men. They are not able to handle emotions as efficiently as women who might have grown under similar conditions.

4. Living in self-denial

Men who have had mothers with no emotional connect often live under self-denial. When they see other moms petting their children, they find such emotions and actions as over-exaggerated. They are unable to acknowledge loving mothers and find any show of emotions as trivial, fake and over-the-top.

Mother and Son Toxic Relationship 03

As men are considered stronger than their female counterparts in terms of emotional response (though in reality could be the opposite), they generally do not seek help in such cases. The repressed emotions and the problems arising out of them stay inside them leading to many emotional and physical problems as well. So to all the mothers out there, the ones who love and dote on their sons and the ones who are somewhere detached, you might be leaving behind lifelong mental bruises on your little one’s heart and mind. Watch out.

by Tasneem Dhinojwala

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6 thoughts on “Mother and Son Toxic Relationship – Ways In Which It Can Cause Lifelong Damage”

  1. Acknowledging the emotions of a child at right age is very important else it may leave a greater dark mark on later years. All the pointers are very well explained.

  2. Very well expressed and very important post. I know someone and agree with all the pointers you have mentioned and now I know the reason behind it. Thanks a lot for sharing will read it again and save it for better understanding.

  3. These are some detailed points. While parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, it is important to see if we are emotionally damaging the child in the long run. Asking for help in handling situations is a great way to find a middle ground.

  4. The role of a mother cannot be taken by even the father. Kids grow well even if they do not have a father. But without a mother, there is an emotional void. I was the 7th born and my mom was quite old when i was born. She didn’t have the patience to hug or cuddle and I grew up to be the same. I used to ask my husband to do the cuddling. But then he also left early.

  5. Absolutely. Sometimes over parenting can become a big mistake. It ruins their entire present and future. Mother child bond is the most special one we should know where to stop.

  6. childhood is most important phase of life. and mother-son relationship is one of the most important relationship that nurture a child’s life. having a toxic relationship during childhood phase can put a negative impact on child’s life and may cause other mental and emotional health issues too.