by Swati Mehra
The love of a mother is not always unconditional. Sometimes it leads to a share of pain. Bad mother-son relationship effects can be everlasting. Here is a story which should be told as often as possible
Mothers are perfect, and their love profound. Haven’t we heard this always? Everybody loves their mom. Right? Well, maybe not always. There, my friends, exists a world of mommy issues, the companion to the ever-so-infamous daddy issues.
Mother’s influence on the daughter and the father’s effect on the son:
Like daddy issues, mommy issues involve a person who has a somewhat estranged relationship with their parent. Unlike daddy issues, which usually involves a daughter and her father, mommy issues typically focus on a strained mother-son relationship. When a man tells a woman his life story, he’ll more than likely start by telling you about his father. Ever wondered why? As a culture, we tend to look at the mother’s influence on the daughter and the father’s effect on the son, thinking that each provides the mirror to either the feminine or masculine self. So, what does it mean when someone has mommy issues?
An overly attached son to an overbearing mother:
Mommy issues can arise from varied situations, a combination of small and big. It could oscillate from a mother-son relationship gone awfully wrong, leading to the irreparable distance between them, to one where there is an overly attached son to an overbearing mother. While one end has too much distance for comfort, the other has too little. It could also arise from neglect or absence, resulting in a void created by the lack of attention. All, but, lead to estranged relationships.
Overprotective mothers end up interfering and controlling their sons’ lives:
It is known that mothers play a vital role in the development of their son’s perception of what it is to be a “man.” They have a significant impact on their sons to the extent that the way they behave in their later years is attributed to their relationship with their mother. Men who grow up without the warmest mother often experience a feeling of inadequacy. These feelings can reveal themselves in their relationships– and not just those they have as children. On the other hand, overprotective mothers end up interfering and controlling their sons’ lives, not allowing them the space to cultivate the sense of self-confidence, self-worth, and independence. While they may think they are being “wise” by not letting their sons get physically or emotionally hurt, sons raised by domineering mothers may be psychologically weak, overly dependent on anyone entering his orbit and passive-aggressive due to feelings of unresolved anger and resentment.
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No other person understands a child better than a mother, or so it’s assumed:
This relationship, right from the time he is born until his adult years, is imperative for the overall development and emotional health of the child. Does the legacy of an unloving mother spill over into a man’s psyche and his ability to connect to other women in his life? What happens to a man whose understanding of women is shaped by the first woman he encounters—a distant, hypercritical, overprotective or not so loving mother?
Take a deep breath and begin the journey of healing:
As counterintuitive as it sounds, it might be even harder for a son to acknowledge the pain he’s suffered at the hands of a not so good mother-son relationship. Does criticizing your mother, or even admitting the emotional pain you’ve suffered, fit within the narrow definitions of masculine behavior our culture advocates? Probably “not.” Even though sons/men have similar issues as the daughters/women do, they are less likely to seek therapy. Sons clearly suffer as much as daughters do and, in some way, perhaps even more deeply because they tend to suffer alone and in silence. So, if you are a son who has been through a not so loving relationship with your mother, take a deep breath and begin the journey of healing. No matter what the people around you say, acknowledging the pain will make you a better, stronger man, friend, lover, husband, and father.
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