by Suditsha Sanyal
Having a major relationship fallout? Is seeking divorce the only solution you are left with? Then, here are our seven wise tips which can help your child deal with it in the best possible way
“Marriages are made in heaven” – I really don’t know how much truth or value this phrase holds in today’s context. The growing numbers of divorce instances between couples make it hard to believe in something that was once considered infallible. It is indeed a heart-wrenching and tumultuous phase, but having said that, it is absolutely not advisable to stay in the relationship that is just not working out anymore.
Whatever may be the reason of discord and friction; this definitely affects the lives of the person concerned and those around them. The emotional distress and imbalance it creates can be quite traumatic. And the worst affected are children who find themselves in an unhappy marriage.
Due to the tender and impressionable minds of kids, a couple’s separation needs to be handled with utmost care when there are children involved. These pointers mentioned below can definitely help in coping up with this crisis in a better, positive and matured manner:
1. Let them know that it is not their fault:
Children are very sensitive and vulnerable. Hence it requires lot of patience and precision when it comes to handling such delicate issues. They must not feel that parents got separated because of them. This guilt should never set in. Such guilt can lead to lot of behavioral abnormalities.
2. Provide love and assurance:
It is indeed a testing and tormenting time for both – the parents as well the child. Just like adults need counseling, in a similar manner a child also needs love and assurance to sail through the rough waters. Be open to communication and feelings. Let the child vent and express his/her feelings. This can help in reducing the insecurities.
3. Be strong:
I know that this might be one of the toughest and painful phases and probably you yourself are in dire need of a shoulder to cry upon. Playing the part of an emotionally strong person can indeed be very difficult during this time. I know these few words ‘be strong and time is the best healer’ are very easy to say but extremely hard to follow. But believe me, this five letter word ‘Strong’ can indeed work wonders and bring back your life to normalcy. Always remember that strength is the only medicine that can help in dealing with the vagaries of life. Furthermore, it is not the end of life. Yes of course it is heart-breaking and you feel completely lost and devastated, but always keep in mind the universal rule that ‘nothing is permanent’ – not even bad times. This positive approach can not only help you but also help your child to come out of this difficult situation.
4. Try to keep the relationship with your ex as amicable as possible:
Divorce is a nasty affair but don’t involve your child in this ugly fight. Avoid getting into any kind of clashes in front of your child. Try to keep the relationship as amicable as possible. If this is somehow not possible at all, then it is better to snap the relationship completely. Avoid any kind of meeting or get-together. Don’t badmouth about your ex, neither use your child as a spy to know what is going on your ex’s life.
5. Introduce new rituals and engage in fun activities:
Try and introduce new rituals like preparing and cooking the Sunday lunch together. Gardening together, trying new recipes, making cakes etc. can go a long way in assuaging your pain as take away some of the duress off your child’s mind. Similarly get engaged in yoga or any kind of exercise, go for swimming, play badminton etc. This can help in reducing stress and can make you cheerful and happy. Engaging in fun activities will serve as a refreshing distraction thereby giving limited time or no time to ponder over your past.
6. Get a pet:
Adding a new member, i.e., a pet in your family can be a very good idea in this phase. This can help you and your child to come out of the emotional distress and emptiness. It can definitely be a good stress buster.
7. Let your child be a child:
Don’t snatch your little one’s childhood by telling him/het that they have to behave like adults and now have a huge responsibility to play. Although it is a well-known fact that generally children who undergo the ordeal of divorce are more matured, but it will be unfair on your part to put the burden of responsibility on their shoulder at such a tender age. Stop behaving like a grieving and complaining person to your child.
A positive and constructive approach can help you and your child to come out of this testing and trying time. Believe in yourself, have faith and be strong. Life will give you new opportunities. Grab them and be happy – not only for yourself but for your children as well.
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